Friday, June 8, 2012

IT'S ALL SUBJECTIVE


As humans,

As writers, why do we let negativity affect us so much?

Why can one negative remark stick with us, upset us, deflate us, ruin our mood or even our whole day?

Why is that we can receive dozens of compliments and not obsess over any of them, but when a stranger says something negative we let it fester?

I don’t have the answer.

But as an author who has my beloved stories “out there” for strangers to love or hate, I have developed a cardinal rule, a mantra, a declaration that every writer/artist/human should keep in mind at all times: You can’t please everyone.

You can’t. I promise you; YOU CAN’T.

Stop trying. Stop worrying about the people who don’t like what you’re doing, saying, or writing. Readers have different tastes and expectations. Over six billion people exist on this planet. That’s A LOT of opinions. Don’t focus on the people who don’t like you, your book, or whatever. They are entitled to their opinion--even if it’s negative.

Focus on the positive. Focus on what makes you happy and keep doing it. Authors, embrace each and every tweet, email, review, or comment from readers who say they loved your book. Let those comments be the ones you replay in your mind as you go to sleep each night. Focus on the positive. Brush off the negative.

Art is subjective. Life is subjective. Opinions are subjective. Books are most certainly subjective. Go read reviews of the most popular book you can think of, I assure you, there will be people who didn’t like it. It’s normal. It’s expected. It’s a given. Because it’s all subjective.

I’m reading an indie book that I adore. I think it’s brilliant. The writing is great. The concept makes my eyes light up with wonder as I read. I contacted the author and told her how much I love her story.

Her reply was: You have no idea how much this email means to me. I've had a lot of hot and a lot of cold with this book, so I never know how people will react. They seem to either love it or hate it.

I wrote her back and said pretty much the same thing I said at the beginning of this post.

She replied with this: You are so right, Karen. My skin is VERY thin. I hear only the negative and don't pay enough attention to the good. I'm working on tuning the haters out, but sometimes it's a struggle.

Oh, look at that, another human author with real feelings. Another artist who is hurt when strangers think one of her babies is ugly. Every writer has been through this struggle--or will at some point in their career. We all take the negative comments to heart--even though we shouldn’t.

Now, here’s an eye-opening fact about the above author’s book. I looked up her reviews on Goodreads and Amazon. Between the two sites, her book (the one she’s had so much hot and cold with) had over one hundred twenty (120) four or five star reviews. Less than a dozen 3 star reviews, less than ten 2 stars, and less than five 1 stars. NINETY (90!) percent of people liked her book on Goodreads.

But as she admitted, she hears only the negative. Tuning out the haters is a struggle.

NINETY percent of readers liked her book. Many REALLY liked it. Many LOVED it. Some said it’s the best book they’ve read in a long time. But this brilliant author still has thin skin. As many of us do.

Why? I have no idea.

It’s one of the great mysteries of the world.

Maybe it’s because we put so much heart, soul, and passion into our writing. When someone says our heart, soul, and passion is crap; it hurts like hell.

I know. I get it. I’ve been there. I still occasionally read a negative review and reach for a cocktail to help me cope, but then I remember my number one rule. I repeat my mantra.

I can’t please everyone.

Then I reread fan mail and positive reviews, and focus on the proof that many people out there DO love my work. Those readers make this crazy roller coaster ride of writing the best and most rewarding thing I’ve ever done. Haters and all.


Karen Hooper writes young adult paranormal and fantasy, and is the author of TANGLED TIDES and GRASPING AT ETERNITY. She is currently sunning and splashing around Florida with her two beloved dogs. Some of her addictions include coffee, chocolate and complicated happily-ever-afters.


You can find her at www.KarenAmandaHooper.com or on Twitter at @Karen_Hooper.

26 comments:

  1. Gosh, Karen,it's that title the truth. It's funny that you're posting today. Your name came up the other day in a conversation I was having with another author. It appears I'm on a similar publishing road as you and my friend was sharing her knowledge about going Indie instead of taking a publishing deal. I have a lot to think about. ;D Thanks for sharing this post!

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    1. My pleasure, SA! :) There's lots of to weigh when considering which path(s) to take. Just follow your heart. :)

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  2. Amen. I read them, then push them aside. Like you said, they (bad reviews) are one from one person. A drop in the bucket of population.

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  3. I love this post!!

    And I blame evolution: our minds evolved to pay attention to negative things (danger! alarm! run away woolly mammoth on your tail!). It kept us alive then, and even now in the dangers of the modern world, but it works against us when the dangers are simply a bad review. I used to say (and still do) that reviews are for readers, not writers. But I want to add to that: I write for my fans, not my haters. Because I DO: I write for the people who love my stories (and I'm lucky that there's a lot of them).

    Thanks for the awesome, inspiring post!

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    1. Pesky evolution. ;)
      I agree. I write for those who love my stories too.

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  4. You hit the nail on the head with this one. Great post!

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  5. Well said. But I think you could have stayed with the "As humans" opening. It's pretty much true of us all in all aspects of our lives.

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    1. Yes, so true, LD. The problem seems to plague everyone.

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  6. This is so true. Sometimes it seems to take 50 awesome reviews to make up for that one awful one. I think it's important to focus on the positive and let those warm fuzzies wash over us. Most of all, we should just feel grateful and enjoy the fact that we get to do what we love. Every day. That's rare in this world.

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    1. I totally agree, Sarra. What's the old saying?...do what you love and you'll never work another day in your life. We are very lucky. :)

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  7. Yes! yes! And that goes for all stages - even when a writer is querying. One full manuscript rejection can send up into a spiral of depression - when it is all so subjective. Great post!

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    1. Oh, yes! I had MANY of the query rejection days. Blah.

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  8. So true! I know my skin is still pretty thin and I am so worried about my next release, terrified people won't like it. But I've had people not like my current releases and I've still survived. I shouldn't let the negativity scare me.

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    1. Don't be scared. Even if some people don't like it, I bet you will have a lot of readers who love it. :)

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  9. One of the best things to do after rejection or a negative review is to hit up Amazon. There are hundreds (sometimes thousands) of one star reviews for:

    The Lord of the Rings
    Harry Potter
    The Hunger Games
    Anne Frank's The Diary of a Young Girl
    The Grapes of Wrath
    1984

    They can't be stopped. People have subjective tastes (also, some people are just morons).

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    1. Yes! Thanks, Matt! And come on, who could hate HP or HG?

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  10. Good point! Even my favorite books of all time get the occasion bad review.
    This hasn't been a problem for me yet because I have a different problem -- I don't know what people think of my books because I've gotten so little feedback from readers so far. :-)

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    1. Aww, give it time, HS. The feedback will come pouring in soon.

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  11. You said it, Karen. Great advice that we can all take to heart.

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  12. Great advice. Great post. I love those numbers, but there again, I'd love to have enough reviews to produce numbers like those, so I guess I'm only looking at the negative (absence) too.

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  13. You can't compare yourself as to who you are or what you create. We are all unique. We deserve our time, our place and our creations. You are so right. I agree 100%, and I'm glad you wrote it.

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